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Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ? however slight ? lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
Always go to other people\'s funerals, otherwise they won\'t come to yours.
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
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I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don\'t have it.
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
Three o\'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
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One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
Don\'t let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
I\'ve always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn\'t take it out of my garden.
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Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It\'s about Russia.
I\'m not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
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Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That\'s where we come in; we\'re computer professionals. We cause accidents.
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
A hen is only an egg?s way of making another egg.
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I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
A man\'s only as old as the woman he feels.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
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I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
Hofstadter\'s Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter\'s Law.
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
In this war ? as in others ? I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
Copy from one, it\'s plagiarism; copy from two, it\'s research.
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don\'t add up.
Hofstadter\'s Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter\'s Law.
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can\'t remember what they are.
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
Sex is like air. It\'s only a big deal if you can\'t get any.
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
It\'s strange, isn\'t it. You stand in the middle of a library and go \'aaaaagghhhh\' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
It\'s the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
We\'ve all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
You\'re about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
I\'m not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
You got to be careful if you don\'t know where you\'re going, because you might not get there.
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
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I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
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There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
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If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ? however slight ? lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we\'d have a much easier time raising money.
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
I have four children which is not bad considering I\'m not a Catholic.
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn\'t mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
Everywhere I go I\'m asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don\'t stifle enough of them.
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
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If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
It\'s not the size of the dog in the fight, it\'s the size of the fight in the dog.
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, \'cause if they couldn\'t, they\'d have to wake up to the fact that life\'s one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can\'t seem to keep up is they\'re a bunch of misfits and losers.
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you\'ve got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn\'t your biggest problem.
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She\'s 97 today and we don\'t know where she is!
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
Hofstadter\'s Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter\'s Law.
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
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If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
It\'s dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that\'s successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
Smith & Wesson ? the original point and click interface.
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can\'t remember what they are.
Copy from one, it\'s plagiarism; copy from two, it\'s research.
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I\'m not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
The only difference between me and a madman is that I\'m not mad.
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
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Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
If you can count your money, you don\'t have a billion dollars.
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
I don\'t believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
I don\'t even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn\'t over until everyone gets their cookies.
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
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Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
I\'ve had a wonderful time, but this wasn\'t it.
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can\'t it get us out?
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Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
I\'ve never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I\'ve seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
If it wasn\'t for C, we\'d be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
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A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
I\'m always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can\'t understand is, if they don\'t know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
We don\'t like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
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I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
Minsky\'s Second Law: Don\'t just do something. Stand there.
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
The trouble with the Internet is that it\'s replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
The difference between \'involvement\' and \'commitment\' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was \'involved\' - the pig was \'committed\'.
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Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can\'t remember what they are.
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, \'Where have I gone wrong?\' Then a voice says to me, \'This is going to take more than one night.\'
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn\'t.
Don\'t let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other\'s children.
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
Anyone who starts a sentence, \'With all due respect ...\' is about to insult you.
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
最終更新日 : 2012/01/28/(Sat) 19:29
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